I mean the Texans are in first place despite being winless, the Browns won an open game for the first time in 17 years and I’m pretty sure the Cowboys are already out of the playoffs. Also, kickers couldn’t kick, the Seahawks somehow lead the NFC West, and the Bears were flagged for illegal towel usage. I repeat, an NFL team was flagged for ILLEGAL TOWEL USE!
I think I once saw someone flagged for using a towel illegally while on spring break in college in Mexico, but this seems like a different situation.
While Week 2 may not top the craziness of Week 1, my picks are sure to get a little crazy, so let’s get to them.
Actually, before we get to the picks, here’s a quick reminder that you can see the weekly picks from every CBSSports.com NFL expert by clicking here. However, if you don’t want to click over, that’s totally fine with me. As someone who gets carried away easily, if I click on something there’s a 100% chance I’ll forget what I did in the first place.
However, one thing you should click on is this link to the Pick Six Podcast. In case I didn’t make it clear last week, I’ll be on the podcast at least three days a week — Monday, Tuesday and Friday — for the rest of the NFL season. In our latest episode, we spent 45 minutes talking about every terrible thing that happened during the Seahawks’ stunning win over the Broncos, and you can listen to it below (You can also WATCH IT on YouTube by clicking here).
If you’re more of a picker than a podcast person, I understand. Let’s go to the options.
NFL Week 2 picks
LA Chargers (1-0) at Kansas City (1-0)
Latest Odds: Kansas City Chiefs -4
Anyway, another reason to order Prime is to send something to Patrick Mahomes for his birthday! Mahomes’ big day is September 17th, and now that I think about it, I guess that explains why he’s the best September running back in football history. The man does not miss the month of September. I mean, if there’s one rule for making NFL picks, it’s “Never pick against Patrick Mahomes in September.”
Since taking over the Chiefs starting QB job in 2018, Mahomes has gone 12-2 in September and has thrown 49 touchdown passes in those 12 games (that’s a 4.1 per game average for those of you haters to do math). As if that’s not impressive enough, he’s also averaging 328.9 yards passing in that 14-game winning streak. I’m not saying we should rename the month “Mahtember”, but I’m also not saying we shouldn’t.
The Chiefs have won six straight at home and are 11-2 in their last 13 prime-time games, and I think what I’m trying to say is there’s no way I’m picking the Chiefs.
The pick: Chiefs 34-27 over Chargers.
Washington (1-0) at Detroit (0-1)
1 p.m. ET (Fox)
Last Odds: Detroit Lions -2
If you asked me last week to rank the best games of Week 2, this wouldn’t even have been in my top 14, which is saying a lot when you consider the fact that there are only 16 games on the schedule. However, I’m now strangely intrigued by this matchup after seeing Carson Wentz bounce back in 2017 and play like he did in his best season as a pro.
If you didn’t get to watch Wentz in Week 1 — and there’s a 95 percent chance you didn’t because Commanders-Jaguars only aired in 1.3% of the country — Wentz threw four touchdown passes in a 28-22 win on Jacksonville. Sure, he also threw two interceptions, but instead of melting down after those picks, which is what we expected from him, he rebounded to throw two touchdown passes in the fourth quarter.
The Commanders impressed me in Week 1, which is strange, because I never thought I’d use the words “impressed” and “Washington” in the same sentence. The only thing about the Commanders that didn’t impress me over the weekend was their geographical knowledge.
If anyone has a geography test coming up anywhere in the near future, keep in mind that Washington state and Washington DC have about as much in common as a cell phone and a hamster.
Anyway, nobody cares about hamsters, so let’s get to my pick for the game. My general rule of thumb when trying to pick the winner in a Lions game is to always pick against the Lions and that’s mostly because every time they play, they seem to fall behind by nine touchdowns before mounting a crazy comeback that eventually won’t last long . . In the end they lose the game, but they cover the spread and nobody goes home happy. Punters hate losing, punters hate losing money and Lions fans hate themselves for continuing to support the Lions.
That formula is exactly what happened in Week 1 against the Eagles. The Lions were outscored 38-21 late in the game before miraculously scoring two touchdowns in the fourth quarter to close the spread.
I think Iain speaks for everyone. The moral of the story is never bet on the Lions, but also never bet against them, because if you do, there’s a 100% chance they’ll get a backdoor cover and you’ll lose all your money.
Fortunately for punters, the Lions are favored this week, which means the only way they can cover is if they win the game, and I don’t think they will. I hate to predict a big game from Wentz, but I will. I think the Lions secondary will struggle to cover all the Commanders receiving weapons, which will pave the way for a Washington win.
The pick: Commanders 27-24 over Lions
Miami (1-0) at Baltimore (1-0)
1 p.m. ET (CBS)
Latest Odds: Baltimore Ravens -3.5
As someone who has been on Twitter for over a decade, I know for a fact that you have to believe everything you see or read on Twitter, so I know that Lamar Jackson really wishes he was playing for the Dolphins right now and not the Ravens. Two weeks ago, someone tweeted a photo of Jackson in a Dolphins jersey and liked it.
Lamar says he “liked” the tweet as a joke, but that doesn’t mean it won’t come true eventually. I mean, I once jokingly liked a picture of a piece of cake and then had a cake for dinner that night, so I’m just saying anything is possible.
I also loved this picture of Martha Stewart wearing nothing but an apron last week. Does this mean I’m attracted to octogenarians? I have no idea. I should probably talk to someone about this.
By the way, I’m now thinking it would probably be for the best if I never mention any of the likes again.
Anyway, I like this game because we have a quarterback who can’t get a new contract (Lamar) and a quarterback who can’t get any respect (Tua Tagovailoa) and both guys could help solve their problem by winning this game on sunday . Every time the Ravens win, the price of Jackson’s extension goes up. On the other hand, every time the Dolphins win, the chances of Tua becoming the Dolphins’ long-term quarterback increases.
In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been holding off this whole time because I’m not sure who to pick. The problem is, I didn’t learn much about either team in Week 1. These two teams were basically mirror images of each other…
